


As The Sun Sets, Its Light Shines

by BRB (BlackRazorBill)



Series: Tasogare no Rakuen [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Manga, References to events happening in ch 106, do not read unless you're caught up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-07-12 04:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19939942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRazorBill/pseuds/BRB
Summary: After a full year of silent dread, Eren's hope has sparked once more. Visiting her at the orphanage is the natural next step.(takes place during the time described in chapter 106, do not read unless you're caught up.)





	As The Sun Sets, Its Light Shines

It had been a year since he had kept the secret, one which had tormented him day and night, and had slowly eaten away his smile.

But now that the secret was out, this was the first time Eren was back at this place. At the orphanage. The place where she spent most of her time even now.

Seven Years.

“Oy, Sasha! Don’t sleep on the straw bag!”

“Mmmh shadap… what’cha gonna do about it anyway?”

“Why, you…”

Eren ignored the commotion made by Connie and Sasha behind him and kept cleaning the stable. He had more than gotten used to excessive cleaning chores under Captain Levi’s command. Enough to give him occasional nightmares when he was younger. Now, the sixteen year old welcomed the strain of the menial labors, drowning his ever noisy mind with the creaks of the shovel as it hit the ground. Rinse and repeat.

He only stopped when a hand grabbed his wrist, and he met the caring, but stern look of Mikasa.

“Eren. You’re still tired from yesterday’s mission. Don’t overwork yourself.”

Eren frowned slightly, but did not voice his protest out loud when she removed the shovel from his grasp. He barely did anything yesterday. On a better day, he would complain about her incessant mothering. Mikasa doting on him was a constant in his life since the day they met, seven years ago.

They were just normal kids at that time. Or were they really? What made one special was being born in this world. Perhaps, on the day of his tria, a year ago, a good point was brought about nine year old kids being capable to kill grownups being ‘worrisome' or ‘abnormal’, even if that was self-defense, and he never regretted his act.

He had been called ‘monster’ back then. A fitting title. Although as they all found out, this word was not only concerning him.

In truth, they had been wrong all along, had they not? About everything this world was. The monsters… the titans were not the enemy.

Instead, humanity was…

“We came to tell you we’re leaving for the camp again today.”

It was Armin who had said that, standing beside Mikasa. Armin could still smile, albeit less than before everything happened. The shorter teen was still carrying in his pocket that seashell he collected from their first time reaching the ocean. Eren knew.

Seven years for Eren. Twelve years for him.

“The prisoners of war again?” Eren ventured, brushing his long meshes away from his sweaty front, his eyes going from one of his friends to the other.

It was Armin who nodded, then glanced aside.

“Yes. I think… we’re getting a lot of progress with them. Even though you can’t come, we’ll keep you informed as always.”

Eren nodded, although he did not particularly care for the Marleyans imprisoned on his home soil, if he was honest with himself. His status meant he had more restrictions on who he could come in contact with, for obvious strategic reasons, and he had accepted that. And he was closely guarded. This was why Captain Levi's Squad members were always coming with him in his private outings.

Eren was fine with that. Armin, Mikasa, and everyone else, they were his friends. His war comrades. But he had no interest in befriending anyone from across the enemy line.

He had seen enough of what the Marley Empire was like already. Every night, there was always a chance that he would dream up another memories of them mistreating the Eldians… the true name of his people. He had seen through the eyes of both previous victims and perpetrators of war atrocities, had felt them live through him.

The Marleyans were humans. Horribly humans. Just as the Eldians would be, were they to be viewed as humans by the other races, instead of ‘the monsters who turns into titans’. Eren did not even blame the Marleyans and other countries for fearing Eldians. The people of the walls reacted the very same way to Eren the moment everyone found out he was a titan, after all.

Eren understood. Not like the world was wrong to be afraid.

“Eren?”

Eren blinked out of his train of thoughts and nodded.

“Right, well, see you later, then.”

Mikasa and Armin exchanged a look, then Armin bit his lips.

“Umm… by the way, about Zeke’s proposal… at that time, you-”

There was a heavy crash behind them, and they all turned to see Connie stuffing a struggling Sasha under a bag of hay. One stray arm hit Connie’s nose as the brown-haired girl screamed, and Connie bit back a curse, clutching his injured face.

“Ow! Quit it!”

“Hey, you two! You’re here to help, not fool around!”

It was Jean who had spoken, the taller teen had entered the barn carrying two buckets.

Following close behind him was Historia.

Eren saw the queen of the walls herself step into the barn, her golden blond hair down into a ponytail, a change from the last time he saw her, during the military council. She always kept them into a bun when in official duty. Eren did not know why his mind focused on that detail this time around.

Historia let the basket she was carrying down, and put her hands on her hips, glaring down at the mess of limbs that was currently Connie and Sasha.

“If you want to play games, there’s a group of kids outside who would be happy to join you! Don’t slack off on your duty!”

Sasha moaned and pulled herself up.

“S'not even our duty at all! We just take on extra work ‘cuze of him.”

“Oi, Sasha, stop complaining!” Connie reprimanded before standing up and dusting himself.

“What? I’m right!”

“Umm, well, I guess we should go, then,” Armin finally said, the light in his eyes dimming slightly. “Let’s talk later?”

Eren nodded, and watched Armin and Mikasa walk pass the commotion and out of the barn. Just before leaving, Mikasa gave him one last look. It would seem neutral to most observers, but Eren knew her enough to acknowledge the soft worries in her eyes.

In truth, he was used to that look from her. More than enough, in his opinion.

His eyes fell back onto Historia once Mikasa was out of view, and this time, Historia looked back at him. For one awkward moment, Eren wondered if he should look away, but he did not. He only realized the barn had fallen silent when Jean sighed and took both Connie and Sasha by the arms.

“Alright, let’s find a better thing to do for you two, then.”

He sounded annoyed, typical for Jean. All the more at Eren. During their military trainee years, the two had fought a lot. What was an ideology competition had mellowed down to lips service at this point, however. Eren was not even sure he remembered what had made them clash so much. Likely, they had both matured out of the dumb ignorant brats they once were.

Like all the survivors of the 104th, there was respect now. Respect and a certain fondness. Jean did not even look back toward Eren and Historia as he left with Connie and Sasha, and yet, Eren had a feeling the taller teen had been signaling him something.

When his eyes met Historia’s again, Eren completely forgot about Jean, and his mind came back to what had happened a few days prior.

Right. Zeke’s plan had been presented to the Military council by Yelena’s writing. Yelena, the leader of the ‘Anti-Marleyan Voluntaries’, non-Marleyan people who had been conscripted by the Marleyan Empire and dominated. People whom Eren’s half-brother, Zeke, had been uniting to come help the Eldians in Paradis Island. Supposedly.

Zeke… he was a whole other issue for Eren, one he had mulled over for a good year already. It had been hard to reconcile the memories Eren inherited from his father of a frightened five year old, with the man who wore his father’s face and had killed so many of his people with his Beast Titan power. The one who turned Connie's village into titans.

An Eldian from Marley, like Eren’s father was, growing up into the military, probably thanks to their father’s wish to use his kid to accomplish his goal of restoring the Eldia power and freeing their people.

And in a sense, Grisha Yeager sacrificed Eren for a higher goal as well. Eren knew. He had received more love and care than Zeke had, yet, Grisha’s choice gave him the same fate.

He was not really over how messed up everything he had learned about his family was, but he could usually distract himself with other topics, like…

“So…”

… Like this one.

After one word, Historia clammed up, her gaze falling on the side. Equally hesitant, Eren let his attention wander on the fallen hay bags as he scratched his head.

Damn… they usually had easier talks than this.

But today…

Historia released a breath, and walked up to a wall close to Eren. Almost automatically, Eren did the same, and they stayed side by side, staring ahead, the silence only broken by the children’s laughter from outside.

To Eren, there was something comforting with these moments. Even at this time, he felt the tenseness of his body leaving.

“… How long have you kept it for yourself?” Historia finally asked softly.

Eren did not look at her.

“Since the day we brought my father’s journals in front of the Military council. I figured it out then.”

“… All this time, huh?” He heard shuffling, but he did not look. “I see. That must have been hard for you.”

Eren made a short noise. He wanted to downplay it, but he had too much respect for her to lie. The secret was out anyway.

“I gambled that another solution would come,” he said, frowning at the opposite barn wall, “there had to be. Zeke’s plan proves that. With Zeke as a royal blood titan, there is no need for anyone else.”

Historia’s answer was a small ‘hmm’ noise. He finally risked a glance at her, and saw her thoughtful, almost haunted look. It made his stomach churn. He never liked seeing her like that. It reminded him too much of their darkest hours.

She looked through one of the empty horse stalls.

“I made my choice a year ago, after all.” Her voice was soft, and her arms crossed. “That I would play my part as the dutiful Queen within the walls. In spite of the circumstances, like you, I accepted my role, and I am ready to fulfill it to the end.”

His jaw shut with tension. The unease in his stomach increased at her words. He flexed his fingers a few times.

“Your role is to be a figurehead. You don’t have to use titan powers at all. The Founding Titan’s power would be restricted if you ate it anyway.”

“… But we’ve both been prepared for this eventuality, haven’t we?” She replied, her fingers gripping her forearms. “Back when we did not know how the oath restricting the Founding’s power worked, we both gave it thoughts, as an eventuality for humanity’s sake.”

“You rejected it back then,” he reminded her, his voice rising up slightly. “You rejected your father’s will and saved me instead. You proclaimed yourself as enemy of humanity.”

Something prompted him to shut his mouth fast after that. He was unsure what exactly. A sort of grating malaise. For some reasons, Armin’s face came to his mind.

Before he could analyze why, Historia answered.

“Yeah. I did, didn’t I? And I don’t regret it.”

There was a fondness in her voice, something which made a calming sensation swell in his chest, and a smile birth on his lips, if only slightly.

“Well… I don’t regret hiding what I knew either.”

“… I see.”

He thought she would say more, but she did not. When he looked at her, he saw the soft smile stretching her lips, and the rosy tint her cheeks had taken under the falling sun coming from the open door. Eren closed his eyes and breathed in the sensation of peace that had filled the air. Something vaguely reminiscent of the home he lost so long ago.

“Eren?”

He opened his eyes and looked at her direction. This time, she was facing away, and all he could see of her face through her hair was part of her cheek.

“Thank you, for looking out for me. I wish I could repay the favor in turn.”

He kept his eyes on her for a moment, then looked up at the window again.

For some reasons, it was Kruger and his father he thought of, then, of their memories, dreams, drives.

No holders were perfect humans. None Eren had come to know of he would say were great people. In this cruel world, Perhaps true goodness could not exist.

And yet, there was a drive to each of them that was their own. Something they cared for above the idealized notion of the ‘greater good’ his younger self would say he was fighting for.

Something fundamentally selfish. Something fundamentally dependent upon their individual will.

Something that made them ‘enemies of mankind’ of their own.

“I chose to do this because I wanted to,” he finally answered back, “there is nothing to repay me for.” He looked back at her. “Can I have an independent selfish request of my own, though?”

She looks back at him, her blue eyes filled with curiosity. He represses a dark thought by swallowing before speaking again.

Seven years.

“Live a long life on your own term.”

Her eyes widened and he caught a few of her passing expressions as she went through them. Surprised, flustered, annoyed.

...Sadness. Pity, perhaps?

Or something else. He was not sure what her face was conveying then, but her gaze was plunged into his, and he did not want to look away.

Then, she finally answered.

“If I have the opportunity. If there is a way, I’ll do it. On my own term.”

If there was a way. Right then, Eren knew of one. Right then, there was Zeke.

The military government may not trust Zeke or Yelena, for good reasons in Eren’s opinion. If Eren was thinking of humanity’s survival, he would agree that Historia was the safest choice to gain the power to shake the Earth. The safest choice for those within the walls, the one that would be the most likely to side with their survival.

But Eren did not think of humanity then. Eren thought of that girl who proclaimed her hatred of humans, and declared she was an enemy of humanity. Just so that a pathetic person like he used to feel, could live on, and stop wishing he had never been born on this Earth. For the sake of one person alone, she would turn against everyone else.

And then, as they stared at each others, and as he took all the details of her face, Eren knew who and what he would side for above anything else in this existence. As long as he had left to live.


End file.
